When Jesus Needs a Savior

"Those whose heart is pure will have a clear perspective of God."  -1st Century Theologian, Jesus the Christ

George: How did you happen to fall in?

Clarence:  I didn't fall in. I jumped in to save you.

George:  You what? To...to save me?

Clarence:  Well, I did, didn't I? You didn't go through with it, did you?

George: Go through with what?

Clarence:  Suicide.  I had to act quickly. That's why I jumped in.  I knew if I were drowning you'd try to save me.  And you see, you did, and that's how I saved you.

George:  Very funny.

Clarence:  Your lip's bleeding, George.

George:  Yeah, I got a bust in the jaw in answer to a prayer a little bit ago.

Clarence:  Oh, no, no, no, George, I'm the answer to your prayer.  That's why I was sent down here.

PROBLEM:
I am taking on some pretty significant challenges - the kind that affect the whole family.  I don't want to fail.  Yep.  That pretty much sums it up.  I really don't want to fail, but I don't want to get bailed out either.  I don't want to accept help from someone who could make me successful.  I want to succeed because I forced fate's hand - I made success happen.  So far, I also think that God would want me to take on these new challenges, so I naturally assume that he wants me to succeed as well.  So that has been my aim: success.  I work toward that goal with the backing of my wife, my god, and my own iron will.



Every year around November 1st, screenshots from "It's a Wonderful Life" become increasingly prevalent, and this Christmas staple has me thinking about my own drowning angel.  Clarence has the power and favor of all of Heaven, but he's a little naive.  George has to jump into the river to save him, and we're never really sure if the angel would have made it out if George hadn't rescued him.  It seems that the whole fake suicide plot worked out in the end because George needed Clarence to save him and vice versa.


I treat my savior the same way.  He says, "Move here," or "Take on this situation," and I jump to it.  When it looks like it may not work out like Jesus and I want it to, I make it happen.  He says "Take on this challenge," but when it starts to fall apart, I scramble to put things back together for Him.  I subconsciously praise myself: "It's a good thing He's got me on his team, because that plan almost didn't become a reality."


Perhaps this is common to humanity because I read about the disciples doing the same: "Is it now that you're going to take over the world, Jesus?"  They only thought that was the plan because...Jesus said that was the plan.  When the guards come to arrest Jesus, long-time devoted groupie, Peter, can see clearly that it's time for action.  He swings his sword at the guard's head, slicing off his ear.  That HAS to be a bold step in the right direction!  I feel for Peter.  Because if I had been Peter, and Jesus had responded by rebuking me and healing the soldier's ear, I would have been so frustrated!  "How the heck was I supposed to know NOT to oppose the people who wanted to kill God?  Really, Jesus?  You have got a lot to learn about how to give clear instructions!"


Like me, Peter was compelled to save his savior.  Several respected theologians have speculated that Judas had a similar motive in turning in Jesus.  They think he may have plotted to put Jesus in a situation where the Jesus-versus-the-world conflict was brought to a head and his friend, Jesus, emerged the victor.  Perhaps what we call "denying Jesus" was his way of setting Jesus up for success.  If so, the following events would have been disappointing enough to make anyone suicidal!


Abraham did the same thing after God promised him a son by sleeping with a servant to have the child God had promised, and those consequences are still exploding daily in the Middle East.  You may be able to recall plenty of other similar stories yourself.


So it's a bad assumption that I understand God's clearly-communicated plan.  I think it was under Joshua that the Israelites went into a battle that seemed obviously endorsed by God without asking Him and were slaughtered.  As it turns out, there is never a good time to take the next step - only this step.  He may not want me to finish the things I've started.  But it is almost for sure that even if He does want me to finish, finishing looks nothing like what I thought it was supposed to.


SOLUTION:
I would likely think God was cruel in keeping clarity from us if I were not married.  Fortunately, I have the same trouble with my wife: we talk and agree and understand and unify and synergize and...and we refer to the conversation a day later only to realize we were hardly even talking about the same topic!  I will digress here because if you have experienced it, we are now exactly on the same page, and if not, even a dissertation on the phenomenon won't do it justice.  Suffice it to say that I have learned to accept that I cannot fully understand what my wife says because I don't have her perspective on life.  The experiences, gender, genes and personality that make her up also make up her definitions of "universal" terms.


So it is with God.  I trust that my lack of understanding God is not because of a lack of desire to communicate with me, but my inability to process what needs to be conveyed.  As is the case with my wife, I don't think I will ever eradicate the uncertainty of "I think I understand, but I thought I understood last time too, so..."  However, three things help with both Him and her:


1) I never assume I really understand this time.  Instead of being frustrated by some new "change of plans", I try to be solution oriented.  Giving up on what I thought I knew and just trying to understand again works so much better than the effort I used to spend trying to figure out whose fault the misunderstanding was or setting up a system to avoid all future miscommunications.


2) Try.  The speed and quality of communication is always filtered through the trust in the relationship.  Miscommunication is a hotbed for animosity.  I always feel stabbed in the back when I act on what I thought I understood but end up embarrassing myself, wasting energy/time/resources, or harming myself and/or others.  That's where the trying comes in.  Communicating more often and with more effort doesn't help the communication to the degree I want, but it does create trust.  The goal isn't better communication; the goal is a relationship that can sustain worse communication.  (As a result of trust, the speed and quality of communication also increases, but never when that's the goal.  I guess a watched pot never boils...?)


3) Clarifying every message.  "I hear you saying that..."  This exercise works great with my wife.  Additionally, when I try it out loud with God, it helps me filter out craziness and focus on an agenda.  While it's helpful to unload my problems, it's even more beneficial to recite what I know the ethical/moral/right actions in a situation are.  Even when I don't know the specific steps, I can reiterate the characteristics I know are right.  (Usually they're the ones that oppose my natural offenses and retaliations.)


Example of my unloading: "I fought with co-worker X yesterday and it was completely his fault!  He didn't try to understand, he was rude, and most importantly, he was dead wrong.  We've got a staff meeting today on that topic and I can't wait for the rest of the staff to show him how wrong he was and how right I was."


Now the restatement of what I hear Him saying back to me: "I know I should be humble today - not just quiet; humble.  If I was wrong, I should accept it and try to learn from it instead of forcing my point.  If he is shown to be wrong, he is going to need support since he went so far out of his way to slam each of my points.  I should also apologize before the meeting for telling him that he is always so difficult.  It is at least partially true, but I said it out of anger to hurt instead of trying to help him."


I find it nearly impossible to keep myself in such a frame of mind.  I keep wanting to succeed.  I want to push toward a goal I understand and keep pushing until I get there.  While I'm sure many people struggle to be motivated, I assume there are also many people out there like me whose primary struggle is to focus on learning through the journey instead of obsessing about the prize, because my Savior doesn't need to be saved.