"If you don't forgive others, God won't forgive you." -God
"Forgive and forget," they say, "that's the right thing to do." But it is a repulsive message that in order to be forgiven by God, I must forgive everyone else, writing off the sins of those who have done terrible things, treating them as if those things never happened! That doesn't sit right. It's just not a holy thing to let the malicious people run free in my life without the anger and suppression they've earned!
Instead: don't forgive and forget. Do not "separate the sin from the sinner" (as christians love to say with a air of wisdom). No one believes that they should place their loved ones (elderly, children, spouse, etc.) in the care of a dangerous person who has not apologized. So how does the utterance of two words together, even if the two words are “I’m sorry”, change the wisdom of that decision? Yet some christians believe that God requires us to wipe a person’s past clear when they say that they’re sorry.
Those christians are either heartless or idiots, or both. In the opinion of such people, if Jesus were running a country, all people who uttered "I'm sorry" would be released from prison, back into society in the name of "grace". After all, "sins have to be separated from the sinner." It must have been the sin's fault that someone was murdered - the sinner gets to go free. Jesus' country would be the most run-down, impoverished, group of hateful and oppressed misfits the world has ever seen! Instead of heaven, Jesus would literally be the leader of hell, where the most heartless have the most power. Justice would only be served in the cases where it was most irrelevant.
People who have such a view of grace are dangerous. They claim that such a view is Biblical. However, most cases of christian Biblical insanity can be resolved by subtracting the christian.
Jesus tells us to ask God to forgive us in the same way we forgive others. That seems to mean that He will takes His cues from me, but it would seem wise to first place Him as the example instead. We should learn to forgive the way He does.
1) Scripture says that Christ loved us while we were sinners - He knew we were. He didn't forgive because He was forgetful. On the contrary, the less Jesus knows the extent of our sins, the less the need there is for His crucifixion, and the cheaper His death becomes.
2) Even in the face of sin, God never stops loving. Some of us dads will say "this is something I never really understood until I became a father." While parenthood accentuates the understanding, anyone can understand it because it's obvious - He doesn't hate me. He always wants good for me. At every point of my existence, He is excited about me choosing to have a life free of pain, anxiety, dysfunction, and anger.
Therefore, my forgiveness must include wanting good for others despite the fact that I still know and remember the bad they did toward me. This is still a huge challenge even considering the fact that I have no obligation to allow their behavior to keep invading my life or my family's life.
If God is perfectly forgiving and perfectly wise, He never chooses one over the other. A choice between forgiveness and wisdom indicates that one or both is poorly defined. Having God's heart does not require acting without wisdom, but without malice. When I forgive an enemy, I want good things for him. I pray for him and hope he does good. I don't get excited when bad things happen to him, but instead it breaks my heart. The further he chooses to dive into selfish, destructive behavior, the more it hurts me...for HIS sake. I take pity on him and would pay a great personal price to see him do good and be successful!
However, it would be evil for me to put a helpless person in his path if he still seemed to be willing to do harm. Furthermore, it would be ignorant for me to do so even he had a short track record of reformed actions. (For more information, Google "co-dependence".) But modeling our mercy on what Jesus has done does not mean trusting those people. We still do everything we can to avoid being sinned against - for the sake of the one doing the sinning. We avoid getting hurt or ripped off for their sakes. Their offenses hurt us because of the damage that such actions indicate about their own lives (just as our offenses can’t hurt an all-mighty God, except that He wants to see us experience good). We still protect ourselves and innocent people from their insanity.
"If you don't forgive others, God won't forgive you." -God
1) Scripture says that Christ loved us while we were sinners - He knew we were. He didn't forgive because He was forgetful. On the contrary, the less Jesus knows the extent of our sins, the less the need there is for His crucifixion, and the cheaper His death becomes.
2) Even in the face of sin, God never stops loving. Some of us dads will say "this is something I never really understood until I became a father." While parenthood accentuates the understanding, anyone can understand it because it's obvious - He doesn't hate me. He always wants good for me. At every point of my existence, He is excited about me choosing to have a life free of pain, anxiety, dysfunction, and anger.
Therefore, my forgiveness must include wanting good for others despite the fact that I still know and remember the bad they did toward me. This is still a huge challenge even considering the fact that I have no obligation to allow their behavior to keep invading my life or my family's life.
If God is perfectly forgiving and perfectly wise, He never chooses one over the other. A choice between forgiveness and wisdom indicates that one or both is poorly defined. Having God's heart does not require acting without wisdom, but without malice. When I forgive an enemy, I want good things for him. I pray for him and hope he does good. I don't get excited when bad things happen to him, but instead it breaks my heart. The further he chooses to dive into selfish, destructive behavior, the more it hurts me...for HIS sake. I take pity on him and would pay a great personal price to see him do good and be successful!
However, it would be evil for me to put a helpless person in his path if he still seemed to be willing to do harm. Furthermore, it would be ignorant for me to do so even he had a short track record of reformed actions. (For more information, Google "co-dependence".) But modeling our mercy on what Jesus has done does not mean trusting those people. We still do everything we can to avoid being sinned against - for the sake of the one doing the sinning. We avoid getting hurt or ripped off for their sakes. Their offenses hurt us because of the damage that such actions indicate about their own lives (just as our offenses can’t hurt an all-mighty God, except that He wants to see us experience good). We still protect ourselves and innocent people from their insanity.
One of the great challenges for me has been to truly pity my offenders. A true desire for the health and healing of my enemy (despite my distrust of their actions) seems to turn into a holier-than-thou disgust the moment it hits the air. This is particularly difficult to detect since both emotions bring about similar choices: the continued resistance of their drama and influence on my life. Unfortunately, it seems to be the case that only the attitude behind my actions really determines my spiritual health.
Like finding a cockroach in the night, it seems I must constantly bring immediate, harsh light to the dark parts of my heart to discover the disgusting parts of me that I wouldn’t otherwise believe are there. Here’s how I examine forgiveness:
1) Harsh light to my prayers: I have noticed that I pray about the people I hate, and I pray for the people I pity.
2) Harsh light to my conversation: last time I mentioned that person, did I emphasize my empathy or disgust?
3) Harsh light to my heart: last time I heard about that person, was I excited to hear things were going poorly? Was I resentful to hear things were going well?
Like finding a cockroach in the night, it seems I must constantly bring immediate, harsh light to the dark parts of my heart to discover the disgusting parts of me that I wouldn’t otherwise believe are there. Here’s how I examine forgiveness:
1) Harsh light to my prayers: I have noticed that I pray about the people I hate, and I pray for the people I pity.
2) Harsh light to my conversation: last time I mentioned that person, did I emphasize my empathy or disgust?
3) Harsh light to my heart: last time I heard about that person, was I excited to hear things were going poorly? Was I resentful to hear things were going well?
4) Harsh light to my mind: Does thinking about that person bring me anxiety?
Here’s what I do:
1) Remember that all things will be put right in the end
2) Pray for my heart
3) Pray for their health
4) Try to make things right (if doing so will not injure more people)
5) Protect myself/my family, if possible (those people enrage me a lot more when I fear they will strike again)
6) Re-evaluate (if restoration cannot be achieved, my heart often relapses into hate or disgust multiple times. Even after restoration, I still try to lord the past offense over them. Being in a "good place" is a thing that expires, until I am able to form a habit for a particular enemy)
Here’s what I do:
1) Remember that all things will be put right in the end
2) Pray for my heart
3) Pray for their health
4) Try to make things right (if doing so will not injure more people)
5) Protect myself/my family, if possible (those people enrage me a lot more when I fear they will strike again)
6) Re-evaluate (if restoration cannot be achieved, my heart often relapses into hate or disgust multiple times. Even after restoration, I still try to lord the past offense over them. Being in a "good place" is a thing that expires, until I am able to form a habit for a particular enemy)
What do you do?
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